How to Fall Out of Love With Yourself

After a particularly torturous session, I ran crying into the woods, punched a tree, and talked to a worm which talked back, scaring me so much that I murdered some nearby ants, got a confusing erection, and had a realization: What I was experiencing, this madness and mania, was similar to what Julia was going…

A Coronation F.A.Q.

Prince George, second in line to the throne at only 9 years old, has been announced as one of his grandfather’s four pages of honor; the queen consort will have four pages of honor of her own. All eight children will wear matching scarlet uniforms and carry small, ceremonial swords as they form part of…

A Vegetarian Meal Plan for Lunch

Before the pandemic, I went into an office five days a week and, supposedly, ate five lunches, most of them schlepped from home. I say supposedly because what those meals actually looked like is lost to lockdown-induced amnesia, replaced in my mind by a cacophony of trending TikTok sounds and a jumble of sourdough discard…