My younger sister has decided to attend an expensive private college. This surprised me: She was accepted at prestigious state schools with scholarships, which would be more affordable for our parents, who are footing the bill. When my brother and I went to college several years ago, such an expensive school would have been out of the question. We also had to take out small loans, which my parents are not asking our sister to do. Their financial situation hasn’t changed, and I feel frustrated. I had to select a college based on price and take out loans; she doesn’t have to do either. Should I raise this with my parents? They are kind and generous people, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But I am still paying off the loans.
DAUGHTER
Before I get to your question, let me acknowledge your feelings: It is totally normal for siblings to notice — and even resent — differences in treatment by their parents. My guess is that, even if your parents’ finances haven’t changed, the weight of educating three children has begun to lift from their shoulders. That’s a big relief! And it may have colored their approach to helping out your younger sister.
So, what do you want here? The measured tone of your letter — including your description of your parents as “kind and generous” — doesn’t suggest that you’re spoiling for a fight with them or even struggling under the weight of your small loans. And it seems punitive to ask them to renege on an agreement they already made with your sister.
Sometimes, it’s enough to hear an acknowledgment that we’ve been treated unequally. Or you may want to ask them for some help repaying your loans. Think about it. But you’re off to a good start, in my view, by framing this question in the context of your parents’ love and kindness.
A Special Relationship, Blooming in a Barbershop
I am a gay man. My barber, who is straight and married with children, has let me know he has feelings for me. He often says that we’re of “kindred spirit.” And the last time I was in, he told me he likes lilies and tulips. I said, “Tulips are special, and you are my tulip.” He replied: “And you are my lily.” Am I reading too much into these exchanges? So far, he has declined my invitations to spend time together outside of the barbershop. Should I be patient with him or find another barber?
