I am 62 and no prude. Honest! I am also a grandmother with a part-time job, so I help out my daughter with child care twice a week. I am often sitting in the kitchen with my daughter and 5-year-old grandson when my son-in-law comes home and exchanges a passionate, open-mouthed kiss with my daughter. I think it’s terrible to subject a boy to the sight of his parents’ sexualized kissing. (I don’t want to see it either.) I am determined to say something, but my husband, who shies from conflict, suggested I check with you first. Thoughts?
CAROLINE
Let’s talk about modeling — and not the runway variety. I mean the kind where parents show their children, by example, what loving adult behavior looks like. I don’t believe I ever saw my parents exchange more than a purse-lipped peck. Now, add a dollop of gay shame from the ’70s (in my case) and presto! I had a hard time, as a young guy, synthesizing domesticity and sex.
Your grandson may be in a better starting position than I was (or than many of us were) by witnessing his parents’ romantic kissing as an ordinary feature of married life. And since these “open-mouthed” kisses are the worst offense you mention, I think you should let it go.
Because another big advantage your grandson currently enjoys is having a loving grandmother built into his weekly routine. Do your best to safeguard that — which means holding back, when possible, from criticizing the way your daughter and son-in-law run their household. As a parent of adult children, it often pays to be quiet about the ways their choices differ from yours.
CreditChristoph Niemann
Unconcealed
I am 18, and I have a younger sister who is 14. Our relationship is tense (to say the least). When I was her age, I had acne. I grew out of it, but she’s just starting to get mild breakouts. Here’s the problem: She globs this cheap concealer on top of her pimples, which only makes them more noticeable (and last longer, in my experience). I’d like to help her, but I think she’d get mad — like I was teasing her. And I’m not! What would you do?
STELLA
Your letter made me happier than any other I got this week, Stella! It signals that you’re turning a corner with your sister. You may not be BFFs yet (or ever!), but you’re looking out for her, which is kindhearted, and worrying in advance about rubbing her the wrong way, which is thoughtful. All this augurs well for the future.
Go to your sister and say, “Listen, I had worse acne than you. It gets better, I promise. But can I tell you some things that worked for me?” If she’s open to hearing your suggestions, go for it! As for the cheap concealer, steer clear of telling her it’s making her look worse. That may only make her more self-conscious. Go with your other point: that it makes blemishes last longer. Good luck and keep at it, big sister!
Past Our Bedtime
We are a couple in our 70s and good friends with a young couple in their 30s. But when we invite them to dinner, we have a hard time getting them to leave. Being young, they can visit late into the night. But we like to call it quits by 10. Recently, I was having a special meal and wanted to invite them, but I didn’t because of this problem. What can I do?
S.
Use your words! As hosts, it’s thoughtful to consider our guests’ desires, but there’s no need to cater to them absolutely. (Nor should you put much stock in telepathic messaging or theatrical yawns.) At 10 p.m., say, “Thanks so much for coming! We had a great time. But we have an early morning, so we’ll say ‘good night’ now.” They will thank you, gather their coats and leave. And it won’t be awkward, at all. I promise!
Woman Seeking Driver
A young relative posted on Facebook, asking for an early-morning ride to the airport from her university. Her mom (in another town) responded: “How much is the shuttle bus?” Her daughter answered: “LOL! But Uber is over $40.” So, now we know this young woman values her friend’s time and automobiles at less than $40 and thinks that riding on a bus with peasants is laughable. The poster and her family can afford $40, and the shuttle is comfortable, reliable and safe. (My wife uses it frequently.) Why does she feel entitled to make chauffeurs of her friends?
ANONYMOUS
I know someone who’s not volunteering a lift! And that’s your right, of course. Who knows, though? Maybe another pal is driving right by the airport that morning and won’t mind dropping her off.
But more important, life teaches us lessons over time. It seems as if your young relative has not yet learned how inconvenient and unpopular most requests for airport drop-offs (and pickups) are. After she’s been pressed into duty once or twice, I suspect she’ll figure it out pronto.
For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
