My wife, kids and I live in the house where I grew up, across the street from a woman who was a dear old friend of my parents. Judging by her lawn signs, she has become much more politically extreme than when I was young. The coming midterm elections are important to my family: My wife works for a group that helps poor people get health care, and my son identifies as gay. In the last election, our (widowed) neighbor asked for a ride to the polls. I agreed. But now I wonder: How rude would it be to refuse her a ride and make her find another way to vote against my family’s interests?
D.W.
On a scale of 1 to 10, from “no problem” to “shockingly unkind,” let’s give this one an 11. An old family friend has asked for your help in exercising her constitutional right to vote. By refusing, you would put yourself in league with the unscrupulous people who have fought to suppress the freedoms of low-income voters and people of color.
But I see a big opportunity here: You’ve known your neighbor since you were a boy. Invite her to dinner. Let your wife take a shot at explaining her work and making a person-to-person case for more humane (and sensible) treatment of sick people. Your son may want to chime in about his concerns as a gay person.
Be decent, even if she disagrees with you. (Don’t let it escalate. Just change the subject to your parents.) By putting friendly faces on causes that are important to your family, you may show your neighbor something she hasn’t seen before. As for the ride, being kind to your parents’ old friend is the least that they — and I — expect of you.
CreditChristoph Niemann
Sorry, but My Divorce Isn’t Rosh Hashana Dinner Talk
I go to the same Rosh Hashana seder every year. Two years ago, I found out that my husband was cheating on me during my pregnancy. We divorced. Most of the people at the seder know this. I don’t care. But one woman has cornered me twice now to ask personal questions about my situation. (“Is he still with the other woman?”) I only see her once a year, but I don’t want to tolerate her rude interrogations anymore in front of my toddler. How do I tell her nicely to mind her own business?
ANONYMOUS
Whether this woman is clueless, titillated or terrified of the same thing happening in her own marriage, there is no reason to put up with her nonsense. Still, in the spirit of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year and a time of reflection, don’t snap at her, though you have every right to.
Instead, say, “In light of this holiday, put yourself in my shoes. Do you think your question is one that I would like to be asked?” Taking the high road may save you some awkwardness at next year’s dinner. It honors the contemplative spirit of Rosh Hashana. And it leaves you free to tell her to leave you alone if she persists.
Mom, Serena Williams Has Done More Than Enough
My mother and I are huge sports fans. (She told me that sports helped her get through the death of my father.) We talk about all sports, but we’ve had a hard time talking about Serena Williams. Given her ups and downs recently, my mother has started speculating about what Serena should do next. This annoys me. I say, “She has nothing left to prove. She can do anything she wants.” This upsets my mother, who points out that I don’t cut her off when we talk about other sports stars. Any thoughts?
ANONYMOUS
Only in a universe that contains Serena Williams could you fault her performance one year after giving birth. (Have you been watching the U.S. Open?) She is in a category unto herself, like Renée Fleming, Meryl Streep or Elena Ferrante. And as with these other singular talents, it’s fun to talk about “what’s next?” for them, as if we had some ownership stake in their magnificence.
Still, you are correct: Serena has nothing left to prove, and she should do exactly what she wants. But I can’t imagine your mom disagreeing with that, either. Unless there’s some hidden misogyny that I’m not hearing, just keep talking! You’re superfans, right? Do you have trouble talking about Roger Federer, too? These players may not be at absolute peak, but they’re still exquisite.
So, About That Loan …
My brother is a lawyer and makes serious bank, whereas I’ve had several financial setbacks. Last year, he lent me $5,000 that I can’t pay back yet. But I need some more money for a great business opportunity. Do you think I can discuss it with him?
S.
The Magic 8 Ball says: Why not start a small (even tiny!) repayment plan on the $5,000 of outstanding debt and keep that going for at least six months, before asking for any fresh loans from your brother? No one likes being treated like an A.T.M.
For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
