Being married can be tough. Layer on the incredible stress of a global pandemic, coupled with mandated shelter in place rules so you see your partner more than ever before, and add subpar online home schooling just for fun, and you have a recipe for turbulence in your relationship.
Yet Nina Westbrook, 31, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and her husband Russell Westbrook, 31, an N.B.A. player for the Houston Rockets and a philanthropist, have found a few ways to make things run a bit more smoothly while self-isolating in their Los Angeles home with their three children. Here are a few tried and true tips from the Westbrooks that can help other couples thrive during this time.
Get back into old hobbies or explore new passions.
How do we spend this time together now that you have more of it? It’s about being intentional about quality time, Ms. Westbrook said. “For us, what has worked really well is to get into old passions or hobbies together as a couple,” she said over Instagram Live. “We discovered art recently. We’re just trying to learn as much as we can about art.” Mr. Westbrook, who is also a fashion designer, has been chiming in on the spring cleaning and reorganizing of the house — something that’s new for him.
Remember date night.
With many of us in sweats most days, date nights can often take a back seat to pretty much everything. Find something to do together where “you’re connecting with your partner,” Ms. Westbrook said, which can include dinner and a movie, or “games or taking a walk outside.” And don’t feel the pressure to dress up, said Ms. Westbrook, who shared that their dates have always been about “where we can go and be comfortable” together.
Here are some quarantine approved date night ideas.
Stay connected with friends and family, individually.
Dedicating time to check in with your individual support circles can contribute to a sense of mental well-being that makes for better partners, according to Ms. Westbrook, who has planned dinner dates with girlfriends over FaceTime. Mr. Westbrook has also been utilizing FaceTime to check in with his friends and his teammates. “I talk to them all individually. Staying in close communication with my friends and loved ones has always been something I’ve done in the past and particularly in times like this,” he said. “ We try to stick together and be connected with one another.”
Give your partner a compliment.
Patience is easier said than done. “No one is in their comfort zone right now,” Ms. Westbrook said. “Everyone is adjusting and adapting. It’s not going to happen overnight and we don’t have all the answers. A little encouragement with each other and for each other, like compliments go over really well. It helps to lighten the mood and keeps things tension free.”
Take a self care break.
It also important to know when you might need a moment of self-care or a pause to reset. Ms. Westbrook said she’s very good about taking a moment to herself, whether that’s just sitting by herself upstairs or listening to music to regroup.
Be patient with each other.
It’s also helps to be understanding of what your partner’s needs are. Mr. Westbrook is used to constant travel and physical activity, so sheltering in place has been particularly tough to adjust to for someone who’s usually always on the go. “Working out is so therapeutic for him,” Ms. Westbrook said. “He has a lot of energy. Working out is his stress relief.” Mr. Westbrook dedicates about “two to three hours a day, kind of split up,” to breaking a sweat, he said. “It’s hard to stop all that physical activity cold turkey.” Working out, he added, “just mentally and physically puts me in a great place.”
