“When will I see you again?” she asked.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer asked me this question nearly every time one of our visits came to an end, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot since she died.
These six words were my cue to take her monthly desk calendar, always propped up on the seat of the same kitchen chair, and assign my name and expected visiting time to one of the boxes. Even at 96, she had a schedule so packed that it was sometimes hard to find a slot.
Dr. Ruth and I met in August 2023 when I was reporting for this paper on her quest to become New York State’s Loneliness Ambassador. It was shortly after the article was published that we decided to write a book together, alongside her longtime publicist, about developing meaningful connections.
To get the work done, I traveled to her apartment in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan nearly every week for almost a year — mostly her talking and me recording her responses on my phone, computer and, just in case, in my notebook.
Her visit-ending question — “When will I see you again?” — always made me feel good. I was delighted to know she enjoyed the afternoons we spent together, that she didn’t talk with me just out of obligation. The question made me feel appreciated, that I was worthy of her time.
