It’s No Secret: Two Decades Filled With Laughter and Pastry

Because marriage is an ever-evolving experience, we constantly shift, change and, in some cases, start over. In It’s No Secret, couples share thoughts about commitment and tell us what they have learned along the way.

Who Gesine Bullock-Prado, 48, and Raymond Prado, 51.

Occupations She is a pastry chef and the host of “Baked in Vermont,” a television show on the Food Network. She also runs a baking school, Sugar Glider Kitchen, on the couple’s five-acre farm in Hartford, Vt. Her newest cookbook, “Fantastical Cakes: Incredible Creations for the Baker in Anyone” (Running Press), is to be published this month. He is a storyboard artist for television and films, including “The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay,” “X-Men: Apocalypse,” and the “Stranger Things” series on Netflix.

Their Marriage 19 years, 7 months and counting.

Through the Years

The couple married April 3, 1999, at the Austin, Tex., home of the actress Sandra Bullock, Ms. Bullock-Prado’s older sister. At the time, the house was undergoing renovations. Several hours before the wedding, Sandra Bullock was stapling fabric to an unfinished balcony, which later held a string quartet. Scaffolding and a tent were placed over the unfinished pool area. About 50 guests sat at two elongated tables, with a lake view as their backdrop.

The couple met in January 1997 when both were living in Los Angeles. “I was the development person under my sister’s production company,” said Ms. Bullock-Prado, who was 27 at the time. “We were doing a table reading of “Hope Floats.” Ray walked in with a producer friend, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I felt sick. It was one of those lightening bolts, love-at-first-sight moments.”

Ms. Bullock-Prado had been living with a boyfriend at the time, so she didn’t think much would come of that first meeting. A week later, however, they found themselves on the same flight, but in different rows, traveling to Austin to scout locations. “We only spoke when we got off the plane,” she said. “We tried to find something we could connect on, which was college. I asked where he went. He said, Dartmouth. We knew people in common. Once we started talking we couldn’t stop. We had the same quirks and interests. Everything clicked.”

Ms. Bullock-Prado thought Mr. Prado was handsome and “the coolest guy” she’d ever met, and broke off her relationship with the man she had been living with for several months. “It was nice but it wasn’t ‘it.’ I had no way of knowing what ‘it’ was until ‘it’ walked in the door, which was Ray.”

They became a couple immediately, and within a month were living together. Mr. Prado proposed a year later. “We went to one of those old-school Italian restaurants that Sinatra would have gone to and told everyone we just got engaged,” she said. Because Ms. Bullock-Prado’s mother was ill, wedding plans moved quickly. Five months after their engagement they were married.

What They’ve Learned

Ms. Bullock-Prado Ray is the funniest man I know. He’s smart and insightful. He’s absurd, and absurdly talented. He’s an artist, painter and illustrator. He loves collecting action figures. They’re all over the house. We also have a life-size version of Darth Vader.

He’s supportive and that’s worked in our relationship. We live our own best creative lives with each other, and with each other’s support. I wouldn’t be a pastry chef or an author, and we wouldn’t be living in Vermont if he hadn’t shown me I’m capable.

I’ve learned that at Ray’s core, he is sensitive and kind. He’s become self-aware and sensitive to how people are around him. He’s expressive and direct, and that can be intimidating, so he’s learned to be more nuanced. I can’t spend a minute without screaming my head off, but he’s shown me patience and understanding that’s been eye-opening.

We are in a mixed marriage. He’s Latino, Native American and Asian. He’s lived a totally different experience than me. So I’ve learned to be quiet and listen and watch and learn. I wasn’t able to understand in the beginning. Now I can, and seeing some of the things he’s had to go through is enlightening. I’ve also learned to just be there for him, and that we are a team.

People evolve in marriages; we’ve evolved together. That’s been our blessing. We don’t have children so our marriage is our whole family.

We’ve had tough patches. Twenty years is a long time. If you hold onto resentment you’re not having a fulfilling relationship. We decided to say we are going to be rigorously honest about everything, and kind. That has worked tremendously well. When we decided our main focus was to have a happy marriage and make each other happy, everything got fantastic. We got out of these bad spots by saying we have to focus on each other.

Mr. Prado I value how much we make each other laugh. It never gets old. I laugh all day thinking about her, so she’s always with me. That helps me get through the longing and loneliness when she’s not here.

She’s a true detector of good and evil. She’s my moral compass. She reminds me of Wonder Woman. I can always count on her for the correct ethical take on something.

I grew up with this idea that men are men, and women are women. That we need our alone time, and we don’t have to share everything. That kind of thinking was destroying our marriage. It took a lot of listening and understanding that a true relationship isn’t that way. I had to realize we’re in this together. Once I became unguarded our life and everything else opened up.

Being an artist is an uncertain life. I have a dark perfectionism. She helped me see the happy mistakes that can make this existence more fulfilling and to see the importance of sticking with things.

We had a lot of ups and downs. But if it’s a chart, we are constantly moving up, even though there are dips along the way. The longer we’ve been together the better things have gotten. We are lucky because we’ve grown with each other. We are not the same people we were five or 10 years ago. That feels unique to me.

We help each other believe in ourselves, which is sexy. We have a partnership where someone believes in you. That’s gotten us through the good and bad times.

We both work at home, so everyday at 3 or 4, we have a cappuccino and a pastry she’s made. I’ve become the test kitchen. It grounds us together and helps me stay organized. It’s a loving, fun way to see each other in the afternoon.

We felt this connection when we first met. The hard thing is to remember that feeling. She gives my life meaning, more so as we get older together.