Lack of physical infidelity does not always mean that everything is fine. There is another kind of betrayal, known as financial infidelity. It strikes twice: it influences both your emotions and financial stability. Here is how you can understand that a guy is betraying you financially, and what can be done about it.
Why is it so harmful?
Financial infidelity violates trust in a relationship and interferes with your long-term material plans. In addition, sometimes it accompanies physical infidelity: a partner needs the money to start an extramarital affair.
Signs of financial infidelity
Unexplained withdrawals from the family budget
You must not stick to certain roles and have the right to choose your own way of managing money. But it is important that you both understand who invests in the family budget and where the total money goes. If you notice seemingly unusual expenses on your accounts, you should discuss this with the partner.
Changing money habits
We do not call for total shadowing and seeking infidelity where there is none. Pay attention only to what obviously deviates from your partner’s usual financial habits. If he used to let you go to a store with his card and now prefers to share only cash, maybe he has a reason to conceal the state of his account.
Unified control over all finances
Concentrating the whole budget in the hands of one of the partners is not very fair, but many couples opt for this type of financial management. If your partner insists on his controlling all the money from your family budget, make sure that you retain access to all accounts. By abstracting from financial questions, you give him an excuse to deceive your trust.
Unwillingness to talk about money
Discussing personal accounts is not a taboo in a relationship. This is normal, if your money is not collected in a common budget. Yet the guy should be able to talk about his financial condition constructively. If a man avoids talking how much money he has left until the end of the month, will you be calm in a long-term relationship with him?
Concealing debts
This is the most destructive kind of financial infidelity. After a year of living together, you can find out that he has a huge loan or borrowed a large amount of money from someone. Of course, this will reduce to zero all the trust, and your joint plans for life will go to hell. The habit of lending money without telling the partner is no better than concealing debts. At the beginning of the relationship, agree that you will discuss all major expenses, including loans to friends and relatives.
How to Prevent Financial Cheating?
Discuss financial issues when you are planning to live together
Most couples face several types of financial problems, which we have already told you about. An open talk about money at the very beginning of cohabitation will help prevent many conflicts or will make it easier to get out of them. Do not be shy to ask how much he earns, what big purchases he dreams about and whether he has debts.
Create individual savings of “free money”
There is a way to manage finances in a relationship that will satisfy everyone: every month, save a certain amount in the family budget and leave a part of the earnings for personal expenses. Agree that you should not report to each other about this money, and you can spend it as you wish.
How to restore a relationship after financial infidelity
Find out the reason
Why did he conceal his expenses from you? He could have been afraid of your reaction. He did not want you to feel worried or did not consider it necessary to inform you about this. It is not similar to his having a lover, so you can restore trust in the relationship.
Take temporary control over the finances
This is necessary for your peace of mind. Either he will regularly tell you about his expenses or you will control the entire budget. Remember that it is necessary to restore trust rather than to punish the partner.
Create a common financial goal
Nothing strengthens the relationship as much as a common mortgage. The best way to get back on track is to start saving for a common dream. If you are not ready to buy a house, let it be a joint vacation or a car. Reviewing common goals will help both of you remember why you decided to spend your life with this person.