The college sweethearts turned YouTube stars Khadeen and Devale Ellis are pros at pivoting. The married couple, both 36, began dating while they were students at Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y. After graduation, Mr. Ellis joined the Detroit Lions as a wide receiver and later played for the Cleveland Browns. He later left the N.F.L. in 2010 to pursue a career in acting.
The couple created a YouTube channel called “The Ellises,” which provided a refreshing peek into their millennial marriage, which often incorporates comedic skits with their three sons, Jackson, 9, Kairo, 3 and Kaz, 2. Mr. Ellis also has a recurring role on Tyler Perry’s BET comedy drama, Sistas. And, Ms. Ellis recently launched Oh Kay, Kay, a lifestyle show on YouTube which tackles topics ranging from makeup to motherhood and marriage. Now, the couple has added podcast hosts to their résumé, as they recently had former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. as a guest on their podcast, where they discussed the affects of systemic racism and other issues plaguing the Black community. Here’s how the Los Angeles-based couple makes their marriage and family life work while quarantined.
Family Is Essential
The Ellises believe in the old proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child.” Ms. Ellis’s parents currently live with the couple and their three children. “It would be impossible for us to do what we do without our village,” Mr. Ellis said.
Ms. Ellis added, “If there’s one thing people can take away from what we’ve displayed on social media, it is how much we love and care for our family.” Both of Ms. Ellis’s siblings work on the front line in the medical field at the same nursing home in New York, so there’s been much concern about their safety during the coronavirus outbreak. “We’re super close. It’s been an extremely difficult time,” Ms. Ellis said. The couple turn to FaceTime and Zoom to stay connected to their loved ones. “Our family are the real heroes,” Mr. Ellis said.
Just the Two of Us
Finding alone time as the parents of three children under 10 is no easy feat. The couple, who will celebrate 10 years of marriage this month, have had to get creative about carving out one-on-one time. “Devale’s birthday was April 2 so I decided to get take out from one of our favorite restaurants, and a deck of cards. We kicked back in the car, very chill, and played cards,” she said. “It reminded us of when we first met; we used to enjoy playing cards together. We had a chance to reminisce about the slower days. We didn’t have children, we didn’t have demanding careers and social media wasn’t a thing.”
A Family Who Grills Together, Stays Together
Before moving to Los Angeles the couple lived in an apartment in Brooklyn and didn’t cook a lot. “But when we moved to LA, for the first time I had an opportunity to have my own grill and my own space in the yard to be able to feed my family,” Mr. Ellis said. “I think our favorite meals are when Khadeen makes the sides and I get the meat — ribs, steak, lobster, shrimp — together, and I grill. She agreed: “Yep. I make the potato salad and the macaroni salad. The kids love it.”
The couple sees this al fresco dining as a way to blend both of their cultures. His family is from the Southern United States and Ms. Ellis’s family is from Jamaica and St. Vincent and the Grenadines. Their dinner menus include Southern soul food classics and Caribbean cuisine. “We put together the whole spread and sit down and eat as a family. All seven of us at one time,” he said.
Making Time for Self-Care
The couple definitely values self-care. “For me self-care has been putting my phone down. I find such solace and comfort in it,” she said. “Not aimlessly scrolling on Instagram. Not having to post, which is particularly difficult because so much of our work involves being on a device, whether it’s my phone or my laptop or Devale setting up cameras to record my new YouTube show.”
Ms. Ellis said that taking a break from technology has helped her both mentally and emotionally. “You log on Instagram, you log onto Facebook and there’s so many rest in peace tributes. And people being killed. Black people being killed. There’s a lot of things that can be taxing on your psyche,” she said.
While Ms. Ellis relishes in being still as a form of rejuvenating, for Mr. Ellis self-care is all about movement. “I’ve been an athlete my entire life. So having to be in the house for the past 14 weeks was taxing on me mentally,” he said. “I was getting stress headaches because I couldn’t move. And then, I would jump rope. But outside of just moving, I needed to see a different environment. So I tend to take walks and jog. I take the boys to ride their bikes. And I end up looking off at the mountains to make sure the world is still out there.”
Grooming Together Can Be Fun
Some barbershops, hair salons and nail salons may be closed but that hasn’t stopped the Ellises from keeping their beauty and grooming regimens intact. “Being in quarantine, there were times where I let myself go. I looked at myself one morning, and I was like, ‘Who are you?’” Mr. Ellis said. “I think it’s important as couples to help each other through the grooming process to be the best versions of ourselves during quarantine. It shouldn’t be a time where we let ourselves go. I for one waxed Khadeen’s mustache.”
Ms. Ellis quickly replied with a chuckle, “Sure did.” Even pedicures aren’t off limits when it comes to at-home treatments. “She asked me to help her with her feet. I offered to give her a pedicure. She gave me a manicure. So there’s things that we’re doing for each other like, ‘You know what? If you want to feel better, I’ll help you feel better’,” he said.
Home Schooling Wins
Their 9 year-old son Jackson, who is in the third grade, settled into his new home school schedule with relative ease. “He’s so independent when it comes to school,” said Mr. Ellis. He navigates through Zoom and Google Docs like he’s been doing it for years.”
Home schooling their children during the pandemic has also allowed them to be more involved. “Quarantine has shown me some of my weaknesses as a parent. I thought that I was all in. The quarantine showed me how much I was missing,” Mr. Ellis said.
“I learned that Jackson had similar deficiencies as a student that I had,” he added. “He was really good at math. But when it came to reading, he became bored. When it came to writing, he was kind of sloppy because he was over it. I had to learn to let my ego go. Get out of my own way, and not focus on him being right all the time. But, him learning how to get it right. The quarantine has taught me how to have patience with my child.” Ms. Ellis agreed, “This has been a revelation and I thank Devale because he’s really taken the reins with Jackson.”
No Romance Without Finance
“My budget now is so precise,” said Mr. Ellis. “Living through the recession after being cut from the N.F.L., I remember living paycheck to paycheck. I didn’t have a job. I said to Khadeen, who wasn’t yet my wife, ‘If you just rock with me, I guarantee you we’ll never be in this situation again.’” Ms. Ellis added: “This has taught us to be innovative. Financially, everything is going to be impacted. There will be a trickle-down effect, so it’s taught us to be more strategic.”
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