The answer is yes, you can, and it’s not as good a situation as you might be thinking. You have got someone you’re head over heels in life with, and then the lightning strikes, and there is a newcomer who changes everything in your life. They virtually spring out on you – a new coworker, a traveling companion, a chance meeting – and you no longer know whether you are on your feet or on your head.
As you are talking with the person, you can feel magic growing, enveloping both of you as if shutting out the rest of the world. Including your beloved one, too. There is but totally too familiar chemistry brewing inside that you felt with the person who came along first – and now it hits you the second time around. It makes everything confoundingly bewildering, how can it be that one has feelings for two, so different – and so alike?
Whether you have overstepped the border of fidelity or shrink from it doesn’t really matter in many cases: finding yourself in such a situation makes you already unfaithful after a fashion. If you get round to talking to yourself openly, you will see the absurdity of it all. Of course, it’s not your fault, you hardly meant to place yourself into a dubious position like that, but there you are, and you have to discover some solution to the quandary.
So you are in love with them both: what now?
To begin with, there’s nothing tragic in it: such things do happen, even if it is not so usual. Love is not something that you can quite control, and the world is full of charming and incredibly attractive individuals – chances run high that you know some of these, and as you socialize, you get deeper and deeper under their spell. There’s nothing unnatural about it which could make you feel guilty.
Taken at their true worth, these feelings are quite all right, yet they can be an instigation to actions that may be disruptive and hurtful. At first, you might want to live it down or stop seeing one of the persons involved, but sooner or later you will be moved to act in some way to get out from under the feeling of overwhelming confusion. But you can’t really know what to do about it, therefore your action (or your decision) could lead up to a lot of pain.
Most of the painful decisions, though, will be motivated by love – whether you should decide in favor of the one you were within the first place and let go of your more recent affection, or forgo your previous love for the sake of the newer relationship; anyway, your feelings will be showing you the way.
Coming to the final choice between the two who stole your heart
It is never easy to commit yourself to a final decision; nevertheless, there are certain aspects to consider. First, lust can be involved and may cloud your thinking and influence your choice. Then, it could be that you have fallen in love with someone new fort he reason for something lacking in the relationship with your partner. There might be emotional, mental or sexual reservations that you were ignoring but with the new person in your life, you are no longer happy to do that.
When you come to choosing, you will have to be extremely honest with yourself. How well does each of your loves fit in with what you are planning for yourself? Do you know what you are trying to get out of a relationship? Wherein do your preferences lie? Do you know and understand both persons you love equally well?
What you need is to attain a degree of clarity which would help you arrive at a deliberated decision. Your inclinations may be fueled by lust, fleeting disposition, the latest encounter or other factors that don’t make for a happy decision. You have to give the process a lot of thought to ensure a conclusion that will satisfy you for years to come.
Those who landed in such a situation (and are reading this to get a hint or two about what to do about it) are likely to realize that they won’t be going like this for a long time. Sooner rather than later they will have to face reality. What we all want to achieve is the state where we are at the best of what our selves allow us. We would like to retain our mental health, emotional strength and sexual prowess for as long as possible, and our decision should take us just in that direction. Once you are sure of that, you understand what you really want. But if things don’t come out right, analyze the mistakes you’ve made and come to your next relationship with a stronger heart and a clearer mind.
