Over the course of our 10-year marriage, my husband and I have had good times and bad, fun times with friends, and quiet times cocooning. None of those times, though, were spent with the 14,000 rpm “cyclonic” juicer a dear friend sent from our wedding registry. We are sorry. Our registry was full of perfect gifts, just not perfect for us.
Apparently, we’re not alone. Jennifer Spector, brand director at Zola, an online registry that lets you exchange gifts before they’re shipped, said that on average about 30 percent of a couple’s registry items are swapped out before they’re even received, and bed linens and towels top the list.
My husband and I rushed through the registry process. We didn’t know what a registry actually should be: a blueprint for the “new life a couple hopes to create together,” as Tonya Williams Bradford, Ph.D., an assistant marketing professor at the University of California, Irvine and researcher who studies gift-giving rituals, explained. It’s only masquerading as a shopping list.
If you’re about to get married, we suggest taking a break from venue scouting, DJ interviewing, and cake tasting to consider these six tips. After all, the reception will be the shortest, whirliest six-hour stretch you’ll ever experience, but a gravy boat is forever.
Be authentic
Say that your aunt insists you need a full set of china to make the marriage official. Maybe the registry “consultant” is pushing an espresso maker. But none of that matters. According to Dr. Bradford, the biggest mistake couples make when registering is that they include gifts that they think other people want to see. But that often leads to choosing standard-issue items that don’t necessarily reflect their personal style. Instead, couples should think of the registry as a gift-giving guide — a peek into their life together, especially if guests know only half the couple. So “be true to yourself and the life you live,” said Dr. Bradford. If you detest formal gatherings, don’t order eight place settings of fine china or a full set of wine glasses.
Focus on your favorite activities
Experts often advise doing a room-to-room walk-through of your home to figure out what you need, but Dr. Bradford suggests looking at the calendar. What are your daily or weekly rituals as a couple? What do you look forward to every month?
“Think about what you both enjoy doing and what might add to that experience,” she said. Doing so can inspire gift ideas that are more authentically you. If you love baking holiday cookies, a KitchenAid stand mixer (Zola’s most registered item since the company started in 2013 and Wirecutter’s favorite stand mixer) makes sense; if you’ve rarely had the urge to bake in your adult life, a mixer would just take up valuable counter space. Is Friday night game night? Then by all means register for board games. (On Amazon, the game What Do You Meme? is among the most-registered items.)
Pick gifts that spark joy
Mark my words — a few years and maybe a kid or two into your marriage, you will have the inescapable urge to purge some belongings, Marie Kondo — style. To make sure your gifts make the cut, don’t hastily register for whatever duvet or teapot is available at the store you’re registering at. Take time to find pieces that evoke the happiness you’ll feel on your wedding day. (If you need inspiration, Wirecutter has put together time-tested picks in its guide to great wedding registry gifts.)
For instance, as someone who appreciates good bread, I’m practically beaming every time I cut through a crusty loaf of sourdough with the serrated bread knife a wedding guest gave us. Jung Lee, founder of the wedding registry site Slowdance, believes that’s the way it should be: “If it doesn’t feel special, then it doesn’t belong on your registry.”
Choose gifts that guests want to give
We hate to break the news, but a gift registry is not just about you. When people give a gift, they’re celebrating the couple and the next chapter of their life, said Ms. Spector. “That gift is a building block in that new chapter.”
It’s not surprising, then, that people want to give something specific; it’s their way of creating a personal bond. So, instead of, say, asking for one cash pool toward your honeymoon, break it down into a gift toward a dinner at a popular restaurant, a night’s hotel stay, or a vineyard excursion (you can do this on sites like Wanderable.) And since honeymoon funds remain controversial — 64 percent of American gift-givers say they prefer traditional registry items over honeymoon contributions, according to a 2018 NerdWallet — Harris Poll survey — register for tangible objects, too. These choices should speak to various facets of your personality, so friends who share them will delight in giving you that gift. As an ardent dessert lover, I was excited, for example, to snap up the cake stand that a friend who loves to bake registered for.
Drop the scan gun
Guests can’t give you what you really want unless you give them access to it, so instead of one-stop shopping in a big-box store, consider visiting a few smaller shops that match your style.
You can also sign up at a registry site: At Zola, for instance, a single registry incorporates items and services from a mix of popular home-good brands, boutiquey online finds, and gift cards from airlines and spas. Slowdance allows design-minded couples to select from a curated collection of home goods. And don’t overlook offline items — sometimes what you really want is in a boutique down the street.
“Not everything needs to be ‘click to buy,’” said Zoe Settle, a New York City interior design consultant. If you’ve had your eye on the perfect armchair from a local antique shop, “let a few close friends know and trust they might chip in for it,” she said.
Give people options
That means registering for plenty of gifts in a range of prices (so everyone can find lots of choices with prices they can afford) and replenishing as the list gets depleted — so people don’t resort to off-registry gifts, which may or may not lead to results that spark joy.
Ms. Spector recommends registering for twice as many gifts as guests. Coupled guests often send one gift, but people will also be dipping into the registry for the engagement party and bridal shower. Keep in mind, too, that even the cheapest gift can be as fun to give as it is to receive if some thought goes into it — for instance, a collection of silicone spatulas holds its own among expensive items when the set is in your wedding colors.
Sign up for the Wirecutter Weekly Newsletter and get our latest recommendations every Sunday.
A version of this article appears at Wirecutter.com.
