Unhappy couples often resemble one another in their unhappiness. It is they themselves or their behavior that often causes the loss of love and intimacy. Here is a list of the classic mistakes that can lead to a complete breakdown in a relationship.
Striving to be right rather than happy
We all love to feel right! This sweet sensation when there are only two opinions – mine and the wrong one – can turn us into real dictators.
If you stand up for your rights at any cost and always strive to ensure that the last word in any dispute belongs to nobody but you, think about it.
In fact, both partners are most often to blame for the conflict. In every relationship, there are two truths: yours and his. These include emotions, resentment, irritation, anger and whatever. If you always stick to your opinion and deliberately consider your partner’s arguments to be false, you risk losing your happiness and ruining the relationship.
Instead of attacking your partner, try to share your feelings and vision of the situation and share suggestions for resolving the conflict. No kidding, you will be surprised to learn that your loved one sees your quarrel in a completely different way. Do not be afraid to sometimes forget about your principles and take into account the opinion of the other side.
Thinking that an apology is enough to solve a problem
Saying an artificial “I’m sorry” is not an excuse at all. One word cannot heal a heart wound, so you have to try. If you behave rudely, say too much or shout in a quarrel, your dry “sorry” will not make it easier for the partner. He will not feel the sincerity in your words – you just show that you are right with every gesture and posture.
It is important for a partner to understand that you are aware of your guilt and admit that you are wrong. In addition, the nervous system needs time to calm down and return to normal processes.
While apologizing, give your beloved one time to gather the thoughts and express what has accumulated in his soul. Show that you understand his claims, agree with them (at least partially) and are ready to try and prevent similar situations in the future. Sometimes it is much more effective to just listen and learn your lesson.
Getting angry when your partner is dissatisfied with you in some way
We realize that it can be difficult to hear unpleasant things addressed to you. However, to maintain the relationship, it is worth learning to listen and work constructively with objections. Putting the blame onto someone else if anything goes wrong is the easiest option.
Try to figure out the details and think about how you can change the situation. This is what mature people do in relationships. If you want to answer rudely, count to ten or even to twenty. Make sure you understand your partner by asking questions. Otherwise, a new quarrel may break out and it will cause a protracted conflict.
It’s easier to make a scandal than to talk about your desires
It turns out that it is easiest for us to quarrel violently when the problem in the relationship has developed and a crisis has begun. During the crisis, it is extremely difficult for us to talk about worries out loud. One gets the feeling that it is easier to quarrel than to speak out your desires and expectations. Meanwhile, it is much more useful to prevent quarrels – it is enough to conduct a constructive dialogue.
Just ask your partner if everything is good in your relationship, perhaps there is something that he would like to change or fix.
Yes, opening up and talking about hopes and fears is not easy. However, anger and irritation won’t do you any good either. If the relationship is healthy, the happiness of the loved one is important to both partners.
There is an opinion that he must understand what you need. He must not and does not understand this because you are being silent. Speak about your desires and you will be heard.
Not listening to the loved one
If you meet your partner’s requests with inner tension and switch to the protection mode, doing only what is necessary and important for you, the relationship is under threat.
“I am who I am, and I am not going to change because he knew who he was dating” – does it sound familiar? It’s clear that it is important to maintain your individuality and be yourself, but if small changes in your behavior make your couple happier, maybe you should go for it?
Consider that all of the above should be addressed to your partner
If you think that only your partner makes mistakes (and you don’t), the relationship cannot be equal and harmonious.
Be honest with yourself – you and he both make mistakes. And it is in your power to change the situation, become better, more mature and open to each other.
Create new behaviors, and you will find the closeness and sincerity that you have probably been dreaming of.