Elizabeth Patricia Frei and Benjamin Franklin Duchek were married Dec. 31. The Rev. William H. Gurnee III officiated at St. Joseph’s on Capitol Hill, a Roman Catholic church in Washington, where he is the pastor.
Mrs. Duchek, 30, is a special assistant to the assistant secretary for strategy, planning, analysis and risk at the Department of Homeland Security in Washington. She graduated from the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul.
She is a daughter of Tracey Wold Frei and Thomas A. Frei of Fargo, N.D.
Mr. Duchek, 40, joined the United States Army in 2008, and is now a captain in the Army Reserve, serving as a civil affairs officer at the Southern Command, in Doral, Fla. He was an artillery officer while on active duty, and did two tours in Afghanistan. He is also now developing a consultancy specializing in technology in emerging markets, and working in Washington. He graduated from the University of Maryland and received a master’s degree in public administration from N.Y.U.
He is a son of Barbara Ruzicka Duchek and John R. Duchek of Oakville, Mo.
The couple connected through Tinder, the dating app, in late December 2016, but didn’t meet in person until the following March. He was stationed at the time at Fort Dix, in New Jersey, but his position as a major general’s aide brought him regularly to Washington, where Ms. Frei lives.
In the time before they met, the two texted often and then eventually talked every night on the telephone. That gave them a lot of time to get to know each other, so that when they did finally meet, “We had a 12-hour first date,” Mr. Duchek said.
The two had found that they had much in common, and both admire the kindness that they see in each other.
“It’s what I love most about her: She never has a mean word to say about anyone,” he said.
She realized she could rely on him, always. “When you really need him there, he shows up,” Ms. Frei said. “He doesn’t complain and it was so eye-opening for me to be in a relationship where I know I can count on that person.”
In July, she brought him to her family’s lake cabin in Minnesota. “In the first minute, my mom said to my dad, ‘This is it. This is the one,’” Ms. Frei said.
Ms. Frei recalls having had some trepidation about how her new boyfriend would feel about being thrust into the family’s traditional — and mandatory — Independence Day talent show. He did 100 push-ups for his talent. “It was such a weird situation, and he just took it head-on and enjoyed it and totally rocked it,” she said.
“It was the moment I really, really knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Ben,” she added.
In late August, however, he received word that he would be going to Afghanistan again. Mr. Duchek, also certain that he had met the woman he would marry, began furiously preparing not for deployment but for a proposal.
He bought a ring. He hired a photographer and obtained a permit so that the engagement could take place in front of the United States Capitol. He made Ms. Frei the beneficiary of his life insurance. And he called her father to ask for his blessing.
On the night before he was to depart, everything was in place for the surprise proposal. And then Ms. Frei, who at the time was on the staff of Senator John Hoeven, Republican of North Dakota, found out that she wouldn’t be able to get away because the Senate had decided to work into the night.
Mr. Duchek, on his way over to Ms. Frei’s office to ask for an accommodation, spied Senator Hoeven and decided to plead his case. “Go big or go home,” he said.
So he introduced himself, described his plight and asked if the senator might help him out by letting Ms. Frei off work for the night.
The night was saved and the proposal, of course, was accepted.
“If he hadn’t ever texted me, what would have come?” she said. “Small, seemingly inconsequential moments in your life can lead to something as big as finding someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.”
