Exit Strategies
I took a job working for a colleague I’ve known for many years. I’ve always thought she was great. She complained a bit in the past, but I thought it was the norm for middle management. Now she’s the senior person and she complains about everyone. According to her, she had to rewrite and redo basically everything because x, y and z staffers did a bad job. Everyone who makes a presentation is terrible (she’s not actually very good!). She’s always right (and often, she really does have great ideas) and lets you know. She says she’s so proud of how great the team is, which is awful since we almost all know that’s not what she thinks. I know she must be complaining about me to my peers. Yes, I am looking for a new job.
How do I resign? Do I tell her I’m looking? Tell her I’m looking unless she starts treating people better? Or get a new job and give her two weeks’ notice? Or get a new job and tell her she should really work on how she treats people?
— Anonymous
Don’t overthink how you resign from this job. People leave jobs all the time. Get a new job and give reasonable notice. If there is a formal exit interview, you might use that opportunity to tactfully share why you’re leaving, but I don’t think she is really going to care that you’re leaving because you can no longer tolerate her disposition. She seems … unpleasant and if she cared what people thought, she probably wouldn’t act this way in the first place. Best of luck in finding a new job.
Neurodivergence and the Supply Chain
I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. about two years ago, shortly before graduating from college. I am still learning how best to manage my brain, but I have seen great improvement with knowledge and medication. When I interviewed for and accepted my job, I followed advice I found online and did not disclose my diagnosis.
Now, we have been dealing with a nationwide shortage of A.D.H.D. stimulant medication. My prescription ran out a week ago and I have been unsuccessful in getting it refilled. I am already suffering withdrawal symptoms as well as returned difficulty focusing, staying on task and performing well. Should I inform my supervisor of what’s going on? My office pays plenty of lip service to mental health and inclusion, but most of my colleagues are older and in my view they can be more traditional. Though I have a good rapport with my supervisor, I worry about being labeled lazy or incompetent.
— Anonymous
This is a challenging situation but by no means insurmountable. If you have a good rapport with your supervisor, and your work is being affected by your inability (through no fault of your own) to treat your medical condition, I would disclose what’s going on, how you’re trying to manage and what kind of support you need until you are able to resume your prescription regimen. You’re right. Many companies pay lip service to supporting the mental health of their employees, and few follow through. Perhaps it’s time to see where your employer stands. If your supervisor labels you as lazy or incompetent because of a medical condition, that speaks volumes more about them than you.
Inherited Office Drama
I’ve recently started a new position as a director with three people under me. There is a lot of leftover drama that predates me. My supervisor and his supervisor have personnel issues with a woman who reports to me but are always cryptic and vague about their concerns, which makes them hard to address.
My direct report is very good at her job, but from what I’ve gathered, she frequently goes above everyone’s heads and tells people how they should be doing their jobs. The problem is that no one will tell me exactly what was said or give me firm examples. I don’t feel like I have enough information to discuss this behavior with her.
I’ve been told by my supervisor that other people with the company have asked that she not come to their office. But when I ask for explanations, I’m given general answers like “She needs to stop telling people how to do their job and lecturing them.” It seems as if it’s an issue of her needing to stay in her lane, but I have to correct the behavior based on concrete interactions and not a general “everyone doesn’t like you.”
I can see how they got to this point. This employee was very close with the previous director and they operated more as a team than as a director and an employee, and that seems to have carried over. The woman who reports to me is generally very negative and likes to point out problems that she then exacerbates. She has an “us versus them” mentality in which she knows everything and everyone else with the company is clueless, despite her being in a very junior role. How do I address what seems to be poor work behavior if I have not witnessed it and have no real examples?
— Anonymous, Chicago
You’ve inherited some strange, awkward problems that your colleagues clearly didn’t want to deal with and are foisting on you. I am always leery when an employee’s failings are discussed vaguely and cryptically. There’s a reason for a lack of specificity. Is this person overstepping or is she making harmless observations that make people feel territorial? It seems as if your colleagues simply don’t like her and are trying to make that your problem. It must be overwhelming to be thrown into the middle of this and expected to resolve it somehow.
You’re right to be hesitant about reprimanding someone for behaviors you have not observed. Perhaps the best way forward is with clarity and honesty. While some of your colleagues are being vague and cryptic, you don’t have to proceed in that manner. Have a conversation with this employee. Be frank and share what you know, ask for her side of the story and work with her to map a way forward. The results of this conversation just might surprise you.
Write to Roxane Gay at workfriend@nytimes.com.
