Why do people who made themselves clear saying they want to see you fail to pick up the phone five minutes before the meeting? The next day they call and say that they forgot, did not have enough time, fell ill, or their phone was discharged. All these reasons sound plausible only the first couple of times.
But do not treat it as a personal offense because some people are pathologically incapable of keeping their promises. You cannot always keep this person out of your life, so you must find a way to protect yourself from his influence. Chronic inability to keep promises can occur for different reasons.
Maybe, these people are depressed or are trying to solve some personal problems in their life, and this takes away too much of their attention. In other cases, a person may simply be lazy – any of these scenarios requires a unique approach to the solution.
Here are some tips for communicating with unreliable people, which will help you not to fall victim to someone else’s lack of commitment.
Find out what the problem is
Try to find out what prevents a person from keeping promises. Try to avoid accusations and aggressive tone. Let the person understand that you want to help, maybe his behavior has an objective reason. If a person continues to justify himself and pretends that he does not understand what the problem is, this is also valuable information. Now you know that the person in front of you is an incorrigible chatterer, and you should not rely on him.
Talk about your feelings
When you try to explain to someone that you suffer from their unreliability, use the “I”-expressions. Focus on how it affects you. Explain what it is like when a person is always late, does not respond to messages, and ignores your requests. This will help him to look at what is happening from your point of view. People do not always break promises deliberately, and it is their light-mindedness that should be blamed.
Remind the person that you can always say “no”
Some people simply do not know how to refuse, and this creates many problems and embarrassing situations. They find it easier to say “yes” in a personal conversation and then come up with the reason why they cannot do it. If you meet such a person, try not to put pressure on him and remind him that he can always refuse. It is in our power to help an inconfident person to listen to his desires and feel free to express them. This will allow him to see how he creates this destructive cycle of unfulfilled promises and put an end to it.
Let the person know that you do not intend to bear it
Sometimes a person constantly breaks promises only because he knows that he will always get away with it. Say directly that you cannot trust someone who does not keep a word. You must be resolute and firm. You must not believe someone’s justifications. If you understand that the situation does not depend on the person’s uncertainty or real problems, you are the victim of a manipulator. You should not nurse him and let him use this pattern of behavior.
Do not rely on him
This advice is quite obvious in theory, but not so simple in practice: stop relying on an unreliable person. We often believe in their excuses, we come up with our own justifications, we get angry after another disappointment, but we continue to think that the person is not going to deceive us this time.
If you are forced to communicate with someone who breaks promises, try to build a relationship where insecurity is not going to affect your life. If the person is always late, appoint him the time 15-30 minutes before the actual meeting. If you need the person’s help, try to get somebody else’s support to have a plan B.
In any case, regardless of the reasons for such irresponsible behavior, you should not constantly demonstrate understanding and justify it by the fact that “he is just this type of a person”. There are no objective reasons to fail to respect your personal time and needs. Do not be shy to terminate communicating with someone whose unreliability causes problems.
