Before it was ever put into words, the connection, between Meg He and Margot Ciccarelli was apparent from their movements.
Ms. He and Ms. Ciccarelli both practice Brazilian jiu-jitsu. In 2019, when Ms. He first took up the martial art, she searched the internet for accomplished women whose techniques she could emulate. Her search turned up Ms. Ciccarelli, a professional jiu-jitsu athlete and teacher. Ms. He sent her an Instagram message, complimenting Ms. Ciccarelli’s dancing, her style — and her hair.
“I wanted to be really clear that I didn’t admire her for what she had won before or her titles,” said Ms. He, 35. “It was that her style was really unique and interesting.”
A friendship took root. The women shared similar backgrounds. Each was British Chinese and an only child. Ms. Ciccarelli, who never stayed in one place very long, offered to take Ms. He on as a student and give her a private jiu-jitsu lesson if their paths ever crossed. In June 2019, they did. The women met in London, when Ms. He made a trip to visit her parents. The lesson was supposed to last an hour. It lasted three.
Ms. Ciccarelli was impressed by how much Ms. He, a novice, was able to understand about jiu-jitsu’s nuances. Ms. He said she felt self-conscious and out of her depth. She said when she and Ms. Ciccarelli touched, her body responded in unexpected ways. “I was unable to control myself around her,” Ms. He said.
Ms. Ciccarelli explained that the complexity inherent in jiu-jitsu can make it a very meaningful and deep exchange between opponents.
“It’s a partner-based sport, said Ms. Ciccarelli, 29. “We’re always creating something new.”
A couple of weeks after that sparring session, Ms. Ciccarelli traveled to New York City for a competition and stayed with Ms. He. They saw little of each other because of Ms. Ciccarelli’s demanding schedule. But Ms. Ciccarelli left behind her “lucky gi,” a garment she had worn in competitions, with a note, suggesting Ms. He could return it when they next met. Ms. He knew that something more than friendship was brewing between them.
Both Ms. He and Ms. Ciccarelli identify as pansexual. But Ms. He, a founder and co-chief executive of Aday, a sustainable clothing brand, was not out publicly, or to her parents. She also had never dated a woman before. Although she was willing to take that step, Ms. He worried that Ms. Ciccarelli’s nomadic nature would make a relationship untenable.
Ms. He was determined, however, to tell Ms. Ciccarelli how she felt.
In September, they met in San Diego, where Ms. Ciccarelli was participating in another jiu-jitsu competition. The two stayed at an Airbnb that Ms. He had rented. One evening they walked to a lighthouse along the Point Loma coast to watch the sunset. While sitting on a bench, Ms. He told Ms. Ciccarelli that she had feelings for her. Ms. Ciccarelli responded: “I know.”
Ms. He said her shock caused her to fall backward off the bench. Ms. Ciccarelli fell, too, in solidarity.
Soon after, Ms. Ciccarelli, who was competing oversees, made frequent visits to New York. Their relationship was challenged by bouts of long-distance separation, as well as the pandemic, which forced Ms. Ciccarelli into a prolonged depression, not being able to compete.
“Every relationship has its ups and downs and you’ve got to choose who you want to do that with,” Ms. Ciccarelli said. “I don’t want to be annoyed by anyone else.”
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The tumult of the last couple of years also ushered growth, both personally and athletically. In May 2021, Ms. Ciccarelli became a black belt. And in November 2021, Ms. Ciccarelli proposed in Abu Dhabi, where they were participating in the World Professional Jiu-Jitsu Championship. “I wanted to show that I was committed to not being nomadic, that I was committed to her and committed to our ongoing journey,” Ms. Ciccarelli said.
In October, the couple moved to Costa Mesa, Calif., to allow Ms. Ciccarelli the opportunity to train with a black belt master.
The couple had an intimate ceremony on Dec. 26 at a private residence in the Mount Washington neighborhood of Los Angeles. Nina Faulhaber, who is Ms. He’s business partner, officiated, having been ordained for the occasion by the Universal Life Church.
Dozens of guests joined via Zoom, a fitting format for a couple with so many loved ones scattered across the world, they said. They plan to visit many of them in person over the next year, and embark on many more “crazy journeys” together, Ms. Ciccarelli said.
“At every single point, I knew that Margot was the most interesting person I’d ever met,” Ms. He said. “I don’t want to spend my life with anyone less interesting.”
