Healthy relationships do not begin with money, but financial issues inevitably arise with time. Suddenly it turns out that you have much less in common than it seemed at first. While you are dreaming of a mortgage to buy your apartment, he is looking for the Mercedes of his dream and generates ideas for a startup on the Internet. If both of you are ready to openly talk and discover the cause of the disagreement, do not let finances become a cause of serious conflict. Here are 4 main problems that couples encounter in a relationship and the ways to solve them.
1. Wasteful people against thrifty ones
One of the most common sources of money conflicts in couples is associated with a mismatch of values. One needs more financial security and seeks to save some money just in case. The other one does not care about it and believes that his life can be terminated in a road casualty at any moment, so he wants to enjoy the present moment.
If we look at the situation objectively, both of these points of view are just and necessary for a response but not too restrictive budget planning. However, couples suffer from the same conflicts because they believe that their partner is mistaken. In fact, it’s just a question of values. No approach is better than the other one, they are just different.
2. The dominant partner must bear more financial obligations
When it comes to financing, many girls prefer to forget about gender equality. In the “ideal” family, all accounts are by default paid by the man. The women who earn more than their partner sometimes find it difficult to maintain a normal relationship. We will not touch upon the correctness or incorrectness of the traditional approach to sharing responsibilities in the family, everyone should live the way he finds best. Relationship experts advise telling your partner in advance about your values in financial matters: discuss monetary issues before they arise. Express your opinion about sharing checks or payments once your romantic relationship begins to transform into something serious.
3. Struggle for power, when one of you earns significantly more
You will hardly consider the disadvantage of the fact that your boyfriend earns more than you. However, the truth is that as the financial relations develop, financial dominance can develop into a full-scale dictatorship. The belief that the one who pays is more decisive and makes the final choice seems quite logical. Yet, this partner often claims the right to greater influence in other areas of the relationship. It turns out to be a bad remake of life together with parents: when you are 18, you will earn your own money and do what you want. This is one of the reasons why it is so important to maintain an open dialogue about long-term goals in your relationship. Make sure that both of you make financial decisions that are in line with the general interests and do not get selfish. You need to discuss that the bill for the apartment, which he pays, does not include your obedience.
4. Desires vs. needs
Disagreements about what is more important – a reasonable purchase or a thing that will give pleasure – is commonplace when a wasteful person starts a relationship with a thrifty one. It is better not to assume that one of you is right, and the other one is wrong. Try to avoid conviction and make an effort to correctly discuss the problem and move on.
Determine what is important for each of you and why. It’s not just about values, but also about dreams, preferences, and the characteristics of upbringing. Identify the issues in which you are not ready to yield and try to minimize them. All the experts agree that the only way to achieve harmony in relations is to find the middle ground. You both have to put up with some things. One of the solutions is not to make the budget too general so that everyone has the opportunity to realize personal interests without harming the partner.
