Love inspires and gives strength. It seems to lovers that they can walk on water. The only thing they can’t do is change the person they love. Should one try to do this and what is the main condition for a happy marriage?
Having read children’s fairy tales, we believe that love is magic that can revive a sleeping princess, turn a pumpkin into a carriage, a frog into a princess and a forest beast into a handsome prince. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
The period of strong love passes
Falling in love, a person changes – it’s true. But only for a short time. At the first stage of the relationship, during the so-called candy-and-bouquet period, the lover tries to show himself in all his glory – therefore, he tries to be attentive, generous, and kind. But after a short time he resembles himself again.
However, we expect that the partner will change for the sake of our love. When this doesn’t happen, frustration sets in.
At this moment, it seems to most lovers that love is gone, and in order to return it, we urgently need to “eradicate” what we do not like in a partner.
Projecting your flaws on him
Trying to remake a person, we are solving our own problems. Our claims to him are a projection of our shortcomings and a subconscious desire to change ourselves. But it’s hard to change ourselves, so we are trying to change the one who is near.
You need to understand that this is a useless exercise that will lead nowhere. A simple, reliable guy is unlikely to become a successful businessman, and a born slob is unlikely to become a neat person.
But this does not mean that you need to separate with the man. First of all, you need to decide for yourself – which features are unacceptable for you, and which are conditionally acceptable. What can you accept, and what will you never endure?
If you coincide with your partner in the main things and everything suits you, you should not put forward unrealistic demands. This will surely ruin your relationship.
When love is fancied
However, there are points that cannot be neglected. Let’s give an example. The partner has passed the trials of the candy-and-bouquet period perfectly, he meets all the requirements, and sometimes even surpasses them. However, there is something in him that categorically does not suit you. To such an extent that even the sight of it (smell, voice, etc.) is irritating.
Most often, such a problem arises when a person “fancies” love.
For example, a girl had been unable to find a partner for a long time and was burdened by loneliness. When a person who suits her in all respects finally appears, she does not want to lose her happiness. Even if the inner voice insists that this is not her person. She tries to convince herself that everything is fine. Dissatisfaction with trifles suggests that this is not so.
When people talk a lot online before actually meeting
Another common situation today is a long correspondence relationship. Young people meet on the Internet and communicate for a long time online. In the course of correspondence, they develop a “soul mate” syndrome. They fall in love with their online images. Having met offline, they try to match the real person and the fictitious template. Yet it does not fit into the given contour – this causes latent irritation.
You shouldn’t brush it off. Physiological rejection of a person is a serious symptom. In such cases, the prognosis for the couple is unfavorable. Our body is smarter than us, so it is more correct to part.
When a partner is a “good option” rather than “your man”
Each of us knows or used to know a familiar couple that had been living together for years (sometimes decades) dismissing all other people’s attempts to “marry” them. The end of such partnership is usually the same. One of them accidentally meets another person, instantly falls in love and gets married. Having the experience of good-neighborliness, he/she instantly understands that they have met “the right” person rather than a “good option”.
But if your body accepts a person, if it is calm and joyful with him, the rest of the requests can be neglected. People gradually get used to each other and begin to meet each other’s standards.
Ideal partners live in fairy tales and favorite films. In real life, a companion should give you love and warmth. The rest will follow over time.
