You must be familiar with the situation when your ex likes your photos on Instagram, texts you in social networks and offers to see each other for a cup of coffee, even if he is married. He sends flowers, types long texts, but doesn’t say he wants a relationship again. Exes like to appear suddenly when least expected. This urgent “We need to talk” or “Let’s meet at the gas station”. For him, this is a meaningless encounter. However, you have suffered for a year and shed oceans of tears, and he is as cool as a cucumber.
First, you will feel indignant – does he suffer from amnesia? Doesn’t he have any feelings left at all? Then, as a typical woman, you start thinking: “What if he has changed? He has become more handsome, of course. Maybe he loves me? Why not, after all?” Well, it is the biggest mistake in this situation.
Ex-boyfriends often come back by ricochet: but instead of love and pleasure, you get a whack on the forehead, or even a broken heart.
Let’s see why he needs you again and how to behave in a situation when your ex-boyfriend camps out on the doorsteps of your home or tries to reach you via Instagram. Read, write down and memorize so as not to make mistakes.
There are five main reasons why men return:
1. The thirst for revenge
It does not matter if it was an unexpected encounter in a cafe or he came across new pictures in your Facebook. Every – we insist – every man wants to make the woman next to him shine simply because he is near. It’s a matter of self-esteem. In some cases you can suspect him of narcissism – the man literally adores himself.
A normal man will not focus his attention on this. For a normal man it is enough that his partner is happy, smiling and reciprocating.
This indicates his insecurity at a deeper level when every pleasant word adds to his vanity. He considers this a confirmation of his awesomeness and popularity. Most likely, such a man was simply disliked or often criticized in childhood. The belief was unconsciously instilled in his head – self-esteem must be nurtured. Why not do it at the expense of the woman he likes?
Suddenly he meets you again. You’ve become prettier and even dared to blossom without him! At worst, you are with another person or got married. It’s quite a disaster, if your current partner is better and higher in the status. If so, male pride will be severely hurt. Envy and a keen desire to take revenge are signs of a weak person with a lot of psychological traumas from childhood. There are lots of such people in our society, more than it may seem at first glance.
People of this type accumulate offense and sincerely believe that you are to blame for your separation and their failures. Then for some reason they return. If your ex returned, thank him and refuse gently, but confidently.
2. Awesome sex
If your self-esteem is the lowest of the low, then this is an oh-what-a-great-compliment. You may even think that you were the best of the best. However, if you look at the other side of it… he left you for another woman.
In case you were cool, and he wasn’t very impressed afterwards, he will definitely come back to catch up. Believe me, he definitely remembers what you dream about.
What do women’s magazines say? Most of them say that such nostalgic sex is cool, exciting, and… normal. The headline “Sex with your ex” is almost on every other glossy cover.
He comes back and pours beautiful arguments: we know each other, it’s convenient, it’s safe, we can relax, experiment, in general, do anything. However, let’s make it clear… You are no longer a couple, and one of the main roles in a relationship is played by spiritual closeness and openness. There is no way without it.
Sex is important, but it is not the main thing in a relationship. In order for the car to go, you need not only gasoline, but also oil, a window-washer so on. The same is with relationships – you will not go far, if sex is all you have. Yes, it’s fun and, probably, convenient. However, you are looking for a happy and long-term relationship, not simply fun time, right?
In addition, the “good old days” may never be repeated. First, you are already different. Secondly, people’s tastes are prone to changes, even when it comes to sex. Get ready to the fact that the interest of your ex will be heated as you are trying to forget him. Some men are heated so much that they literally want to prove that they can satisfy you like no other. Therefore, think carefully before agreeing. Better, listen to the advice – run before it is too late.
3. He is lonely
Maybe your ex has grown bald, gained 20 kg or lost his business – all in all, he does not succeed in life. Numerous (or a few) girls after you have diminished his ardor and knocked off the arrogance because they did not find the prince in him. Only you used to like him more than just a nice man.
Do you feel it creeping up? Warm and merciful pity. As soon as you catch yourself having this feeling – push it as far as possible. Be aware of what is going on and control your feelings, emotions, words – all this entails actions.
Here are a few more points: be honest with yourself. If your ex-boyfriend realized that he felt great with you, then he will want to return to the same state using you: physically and mentally.
The second nuance to remember – there is no need to save the ex, nobody will appreciate it or say thank you. Every person has to work on themselves to get harmonious relations as a pleasant bonus. This is the goal of personality development.
4. You have succeeded
You’ve finally accomplished what you dreamed about: whether it’s career success or a trip to Paris. Moreover, you did it without his support and help. You wanted to conquer the mountains, and he kept saying that you cannot do it. When you started sewing and selling dresses, the ex-boyfriend insisted that it was impossible to make money on this, and you have no talent. On the whole, he did not believe in you and never supported you… He grumbled about your embroidery and kept saying that a friend of yours opened a bakery, which was a “real business”. When you told him you wanted to travel, he told you were not made for this.
Then you “suddenly” succeeded. This is a breakthrough!
If the ex-boyfriend made you doubt yourself even for a second – you cannot stay with him. This is the law.
5. He really wants to turn over a new leaf
Relations with an ex-boyfriend are like walking in old shoes. You are walking down the street and notice beautiful shoes in the glossy shop window – the ones with a rounded toe and graceful heels, but you pass by because your old flats are more convenient and practical.
The same thing is with men: if you want to live a cool life, there’s no turning back. Sweetheart, you cannot go back to the past, because it takes away your energy for creating the present. Think about it!
What are you looking for?
Your finger flips his Instagram again, and you often think about the good old days before going to bed. Then it’s time to change your mind and take life into your own hands. It is the ideal moment to return to your forgotten hobbies, develop yourself as a woman, enjoy life and go on dates. It’s time to live in the present – to meet with family and friends, enjoy life, and live every day to its fullest!
Remember that there are millions of chances to change your life. The main thing is to act.
