How many times have you heard stories about husbands who have been asked to nail a shelf for 10 years, but they never seem to hear? It is not about the shelf, but the ability of two people who used to love (or still love) each other, to conduct a dialogue. Let’s try to figure out how to deal with emotional deafness.
They got married and lived happily (before the wedding) – that’s the end of the fairy tale. Hard everyday life began. You have to do everything for your husband. He does not respond to requests. You ask him to fix the tap and wait for three years. He does not want to fulfill requests in a snap. (How does he dare?) This happens often enough, and you have a feeling that you are talking to a wall.
If the marriage does not provide mutual support and warm feelings, resentment and anger at the partner turn into eternal scandals and rows. Both get tired of this relationship.
It seems to you that everything is over. You can leave anytime. However, a relationship is permanent work. Until you start analyzing and looking for the causes of the problems, they will not go away. Besides, there is no guarantee that the previous problems will not arise again in a new relationship.
Most importantly, do not make hasty decisions, sit down and think. What has transformed your loving husband into a deaf sofa-type? Could the reason be your relationship?
Married women often behave in a completely different way than before the marriage. We become tougher and often take on those duties that rightfully belong to a man. Your husband even tries to hint that it’s time to stop. But no. You’re a woman, you’re strong, and, if it is not what you want, you need to do it yourself. The wife gradually turns into a woman who does everything herself – the husband gets used to the fact that you will do his job for him. After all, he certainly cannot do it right.
Why does he ignore you?
Contradictions arise sooner or later in every family. Couples, who understand that they are not alone and everything can be solved by talking and compromising, solve their problems together. Others do not know how. They just accumulate grievances, disappointment in their partner, and sadness. They eat themselves from the inside, never realizing the negative side of this, and their attitude to the partner changes.
When a woman decides that her man cannot do anything without her, that’s the end. The husband is doomed to an eternal sense of guilt and inability. You can say that many live that way. Do you really want that? Men feel when a woman’s attitude changes. When her support gets weaker, he gets worried. Perhaps your husband tried to find out what was going on, but you were backing down, and he gave you time. More and more time. In the end, he just gave it up.
When a wife cannot cope with negative feelings, her intonation says it all. Even if she does not want to talk directly with her husband about it, her gestures, facial expressions, and energy will reveal her. Turning to her husband, she is already subconsciously set on a scandal and disappointment or at least believes that her request, even the smallest one, will not be fulfilled.
Such things lead to the fact that the husband does not hear his wife. He just does not want to hear what you say to him. He still loves you, if he does not leave and does not pay back. However, his patience is running out.
Your grievances do not give you the opportunity to build rapport. Any phrase, even an innocent one, in his direction will sound like an insult or humiliation. You speak with such a face and intonation that the man does not want anything. A man cannot feel good in such conditions. Next to you, he starts feeling like a loser, like he is never coping. It gets worse when you remind him of it every time. Your partner turns into a clam, hiding in its house at every possibility. Only he hides behind a mask of indifference.
The husband’s guilt makes him avoid you and your requests. He already understands that he is unable to do anything right. There is no point in starting anyway, if you will be unhappy with the outcome. So why bother at all?
He hasn’t got any resources left to perform any action for the benefit of the family. The husband does not hear you because he does not want to. He simply does not want to be forever wrong. None of the people do.
What can be done?
Understand yourself and your attitude towards your husband. All the problems and claims get bigger, like a snowball. When there are a lot of them, every little thing adds a new layer, and the ball becomes bigger and bigger. It dominates your emotions, overlapping all the others.
It is impossible to live if you are infected by negative emotions. A happy woman smiles sincerely and is happy with her life. Her man is ready to fulfill any request. In this situation, you need to start with yourself. Here is some practice. Sit in front of the mirror and ask yourself what emotion makes your husband unwilling to talk to you. Answer yourself honestly. Surely this is a complaint, resentment, anger.
When you are filled with negative feelings, you cannot be happy. You are closed to positive emotions towards the husband. Your thoughts are directed only at the negative. Could you live under such pressure? Imagine yourself in your husband’s shoes – you would do the same. You would silently avoid the problem, or worse, would respond with the same resentment.
If you know what your negative feelings are aimed at, you can discuss them with your partner, only without scandals and hysterics. Calmly discuss what you do not like and suggest finding a common solution.
If it is impossible to find a way out, you could address a specialist in family relations.
