When Kyleigh Leddy, a senior at Boston College, wrote the piece that won this year’s Modern Love College Essay Contest, she didn’t intend on it reaching a wide readership. Ms. Leddy wrote it simply to write it. But afterward, she realized it presented a unique perspective on love today.
One day after Ms. Leddy finished a take-home essay for her American political thought class, her winning essay, which explores social media’s role in grieving, appeared in The Times. “I’ve written about this topic in a million ways, but never anything that I’ve gotten published,” she said.
I spoke with Ms. Leddy about her writing process, our complicated relationship with social media and her advice for next year’s writers.
What was your reaction when you found out you won?
I was extremely shocked. My mom and I almost fainted. We both were just screaming. It was definitely way more than I ever expected when I submitted the essay, but it was really exciting.
Are you an avid Modern Love reader?
Earlier this year my creative writing teacher, Suzanne Berne, sent me “What the Sea Took Away, a Daughter Restores.” After that, I feel like I read every single Modern Love essay out there. They’re all so powerful. So when I found out about the contest I was like, I have to just try. I never expected to see my work up alongside those amazing authors.
When did you submit it? Dan told me at the start that most submissions come at the last minute.
I read that and I was like, “O.K., I need to submit this like six days in advance.” I ended up submitting it the Wednesday before the due date.
It’s only been a day, but what’s the reception been like?
I never expected the response I got. I’ve heard from friends and family, but also strangers have been reaching out and telling me my essay touched them in some way. Some of them lost someone as well and they used social media to grieve. It’s been really incredible to hear from people with similar stories.
What was your writing process like?
I wrote it in kind of one fell swoop and then went back and edited it a bunch. I always overwrite, a lot, and then condense it. I usually write everything I can think of, put it all out there, and then I go back and see what’s saying what I want to say in the most concise, clear way.
How long was your first draft?
It was probably double the size, honestly. I think I just included every detail possible and then I realized that some of it wasn’t necessary. So, for me, it was about including what in the narrative was important to include and kind of looking at it as if I was approaching the story the first time with no information.
When most people think of Modern Love, they think of romantic love. What inspired you to write about what you did, familial love?
When I was going through all of the columns, most of them were about some kind of romantic love. But the few that I found on grief and longing or a familial connection really struck a chord with me.
I started writing a few drafts of essays to submit to the contest, and I had some that were more romantic, more about that kind of form of love. When I wrote this one up, it was actually not for Modern Love, but it felt the most authentic and came out the most naturally, which I think is the most powerful. Trying to write for the column kind of messed me up a little bit.
So when you originally wrote the winning piece, what were you writing it for?
I had read William Manchester’s 1987 essay, “The Bloodiest Battle of All,” which discusses our relationship with memorials and graves, and I was thinking how different it is in the digital age. So I just wrote something up. As I was finishing I realized that it kind of dealt with modern love in a different way because of technology aspect of it. Ultimately I realized it might be my best option to send in to the contest.
Have you ever written about this topic before?
I’ve written about this topic in a million ways, but never anything that I’ve gotten published. It was kind of scary to put that out for the first time, but I had already worked through the process a million times in my writing.
What were your emotions writing?
Writing has always helped me work out what I’m thinking. I’ve been viewing my sister’s profiles for years, so I have some distance from it. Writing it all out helped me to work through what I really wanted to do with her profiles — it was almost like weighing the pros and cons. I still have so many mixed emotions.
Do you have any advice for next year’s crop of writers?
Just submit! It can be hard to put yourself out there, but don’t have a negative attitude. I went into it thinking there was absolutely no chance I’d win. I would have been happy if one person just even took the time to read it. When I found out that I had all these amazing editors and writers looking through it and trying to decide, it was just such an honor. Also, don’t be as scared as I was about what the public is going to say to you because the response I’ve had has been so overwhelmingly positive.
Anything that you wanted to add that I didn’t ask?
Social media, in so many ways, is affecting our mental health and well-being, our grieving processes, our relationships. We haven’t really dealt with a way to address that issue yet. I hope that people who read my piece feel the same sense of confusion and longing and grief and love that I felt.
This interviews has been condensed and edited.
What We’re Reading
Tiny Love Stories: I Wanted More From College. Then I Fell for Him. Modern Love in miniature, college-contest edition, featuring the best student love stories of no more than 100 words.
Why You Need a Network of Low-Stakes, Casual Friendships Weak ties can offer strong rewards.
Tell Us Who You Are Ahead of World Pride in June, we want to capture the ever-evolving ways in which we describe ourselves. What labels do you choose for yourself?
It’s Time to Break Up Facebook Mark Zuckerberg is a good guy. But the company I helped him build is a threat to our economy and democracy, Chris Hughes writes in Opinion.
Is Conference Room Air Making You Dumber? A small body of evidence suggests that when it comes to decision making, indoor air may matter more than we have realized.
Trash, the Library and a Worn, Brown Table: The 2019 College Essays on Money Each year, we ask high school seniors to submit college application essays they’ve written about work, money, social class and related topics. Here are five that moved us.
Robbie Harms is a contributor to The Edit. He studied journalism and economics at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and later graduated from the University of Florida with a master’s in education. He now works as a fifth-grade teacher.
