Although constant arguments are a sign of problems in a relationship, many disagreements are more likely to be useful in the long term, helping to establish boundaries and priorities. These common quarrels should not be avoided because they do more good than harm.
We would like to tell what disagreements each and every couple has and what lessons should be learned from them.
Establishing boundaries
Almost all the main arguments in a relationship are reduced to two things: boundaries and expectations. What things in the relationship concern the two of you, and what would you prefer to keep back from the partner? From the very beginning of the relationship, you must find out what you need from each other, so quarrels on this topic are inevitable. This is the time when you will know each other, but at the same time you are afraid to formulate the boundaries and requirements directly, so as not to scare off the partner with your requests. It is very important to be straightforward if you want the relationship to go on because you establish the conditions for your interaction. This is where the following topic of widespread conflicts in a relationship stems from.
Household chores
The moments that you have never discussed before are most likely to be the cause of conflicts. Many couples do not deal with such issues as household chores or expectations at the beginning of their relationship. Even if you eventually have an argument, in the long run your relationship will become more healthy.
You may be living together, or you may be annoyed by how your partner manages household duties. In any case, these quarrels will help you understand that relations are impossible without a compromise. Meet your partner halfway when it comes to household chores.
Freedom
At the beginning of many relationships, there is a feeling that you want to spend every minute together, but sooner or later one of you will feel trapped. You cannot ignore friends or forget about your hobbies because of the new relationship. When it comes to arguments, it’s time to establish the boundaries of freedom without violating the partner’s rights.
Holiday destination
Even if you have the same views on recreation, a conflict of interest will sooner or later arise. There can be no solution, except for a compromise. For annual events, you can alternate visits to your families. In case of other trips, simply divide the right of choice equally, so that eventually both of you are satisfied.
Money matters
One of the most embarrassing and inevitable topics that you will encounter in a relationship is the money issue. You start living together, and suddenly his style of spending money or his salary become your problem. Troubles with money are always stressful, so they reinforce any other problem in a relationship. To find a solution, you must first determine what is important for each of you and why. After that, you need to look for a compromise.
For example, if you want to save and he keeps spending, try to save some money and be on the safe side.
Jealousy
Sooner or later, one of you will feel jealous, and this will lead to one of the most frequent quarrels. Both of you must respect the opportunity to remain on friendly terms with an ex-partner. This behavior points to a mature person and should not provoke conflicts unless the former partner still has some feelings.
Sex
During the honeymoon or the dating period, it is difficult to imagine that you will quarrel because of sex. Attraction arises easily and naturally, passion flares up without an effort. But as soon as this phase is over, everything slows down a little and becomes boring. This can create serious sexual tension.
The key is to be sincere with your man, even if it’s not comfortable. Many problems that you will encounter in your bedroom are solved through conversation, so do not expect that the partner will read your thoughts.
Relatives
Does your mother-in-law pamper your six-year-old child instead of treating him as an adult? Does your father buy large musical toys for grandchildren without consulting with you, parents? Conflicts caused by your relatives and the partner’s relatives are a very frequent problem in a relationship. But you need to treat them as something natural, trying to avoid arguments.
Whether you are planning to marry or not, parents always influence relationships, and not always the way you want. You must stop your parents if they have a conflict with your man, and he must solve the same problem with his own parents. Thus, you avoid quarrels and unpleasant conversations with each other’s parents. It’s much easier to put up after disagreements with your parents than with the partner’s parents.
Technologies and lack of attention
The feeling of uselessness due to the fact that your partner spends all his time with a gadget has become the cause of many quarrels. When this problem occurs for the first time, it is important to realize how valuable the time spent together is. Pay attention to each other rather than gadgets when you can finally be alone. Talk and set the rules together. For example, agree that there should be no phones or television at the table during dinner.
The style of communication
This is probably the most important type of arguments, after which it will be easier for you to reach the same decision in other conflicts. You need to determine which words or expressions are unacceptable. In addition, it is important that you both feel that the partner has heard you.
A peaceful dialogue has many a time turned into a conflict because one person does not understand what the other person wants to say. But if the conversation has reached a dead end, it is better to stop and rephrase your words until both of you are sure that you are talking about the same thing. Only in this case you can reach a constructive solution. Take the responsibility for what you want and what you need and avoid offending the other person.
In a healthy relationship, partners make the other person’s experience and feelings as important as their own ones. When you are emotionally disappointed, it can be very difficult. Yet you must believe that this will change the rules of the game.
Conflicts are an important part of a relationship. We advise you to think about them not as about something that separates you, but as a way to speak about your boundaries and the opportunity to find out what is really important for your man. The more constructive your quarrel is, the less often you will quarrel with time.
What is the most frequent cause of arguments with your partner?
