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The New York Times’s Modern Love column is celebrating its 15th anniversary of weekly essays about relationships and revelations. That adds up to some 750 hearts poured out in about 1,500 words. Four years ago, the column expanded into the world of podcasts; each week, a notable actor reads one of the essays aloud. And this week, Modern Love premieres onscreen.
The new “Modern Love” series, whose first season’s episodes are streaming on Amazon, is inspired by the essays and has a cast that includes Anne Hathaway, Tina Fey and Dev Patel. Looking back, Daniel Jones, the editor of Modern Love since its conception, is glad that the column wasn’t named “Truly, Madly, Deeply” — a choice at the time — because then his title would have been the Truly, Madly, Deeply editor. (And, yes, the “Modern Love” name was inspired by the David Bowie song.)
Here, Mr. Jones and Miya Lee, who helps with all Modern Love projects, from reading submissions to editing Tiny Love Stories, talk about the show and the insights they’ve gained over the years steeped in people’s stories. The conversation has been lightly edited and condensed.
Do you think love is so different in this modern age than in centuries past?
DANIEL JONES I don’t think love itself is different. The true thing is that you have to be vulnerable to find love and to keep it going. The ways that we try to not be vulnerable change in the ways, these days, that we use technology. We’ll do anything to avoid being vulnerable. But that’s the one thing we have to be.
MIYA LEE Some of my favorite pieces’ circumstances wouldn’t be possible with today’s technology. For example, we had one essay called “Let’s Meet Again in Five Years.” It was about a couple in college who decided to break up, because they were so young, but said, “If we’re both single by whatever age, let’s meet again at the New York Public Library on this particular day.”
They both show up and it’s a wonderful reunion — but I think about the uncertainty of whether or not they would. It happened before cellphones. The stakes were higher.
What service has Modern Love provided for both readers and writers? And how has it changed over the past 15 years?
JONES It provides an intimacy, and a sense of connection and empathy. Having someone be so vulnerable on the page and also come to understand something about their relationship — there just seems to be such a hunger for that kind of voice and that kind of storytelling, especially in a venue where there are potentially millions of readers.
Our relationships are the most important things in our lives, and I think that often gets lost in these times of political upheaval. These days, I think the column has more service and impact than ever. It just feels like a little escape.
How has being involved with this project affected your relationships?
LEE It makes you more empathetic to others, and you realize everyone has a story. Also, a lot of the submissions that I read are about death. It’s a reminder about mortality and what’s important while you’re here, being kind to those you love and expressing that love.
JONES There’s a kind of resilience in people when it comes to relationships and getting your heart broken. And you realize that that’s what human happiness is: having a resilience and an excitement about being alive. This is your shot. This is all you’ve got.
By the same token, you see people who are not happy, who sort of close off and start to die inside. You can see the bitterness in how they’re writing about their experience and the blame. You see the full range of how well people deal with heartbreak. What that range shows is how to live a good life. That’s what I feel is really most useful.
Why is the human appetite for love stories so infinitely renewable?
JONES It seems like a puzzle that can never be mastered. You can never feel like: “Now I’ve learned enough; it’s going to be smooth sailing from here on out.” That’s really frustrating to people, that you can’t just reach a certain level of competence in relationships to shield yourself from desire that can’t be met, pain that can’t be avoided.
LEE There are a lot of essays about dating; it’s ripe for humor. People love that lightness and to kind of get a first-person account and have someone tell you about their most embarrassing night or something. It’s really addictive.
What are some of your favorite love stories?
JONES I’m embarrassed to say I just watched “Casablanca” for the first time, like two months ago. That’s a great love story — so tortured and really hokey in some ways, but it’s a classic for a reason.
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