It happens very often that the relationship that starts beautifully and develops quickly suddenly ends… Women are puzzled: what has happened? Everything has been so good…
Here is a list of typical “killers” of new relationships, and the ways to prevent them.
Killer number 1. A quick start
You are in fear of loneliness and, as soon as one relationship ends, you quickly rush into a new one. This “non-stop” tactic often leads to a fiasco: you do not have time to understand the reasons for past failures. The same with marriage. In 80% marriages that quickly follow the divorce, the chosen one turns out to be an exact copy of the ex-husband.
What to do?
It takes some time to realize past mistakes. How much time is needed? Everything depends on the person: someone needs several months, another one – at least a year’s time.
Killer number 2. Old temples
A woman begins to build new relationships the way she got used to, so she gets the same problems. Especially often this happens to those who start anew without rethinking and analyzing the past experience. Old patterns of behavior include the previous negative scenario and lead to the notorious finale.
What to do?
Only a detailed analysis and giving up the old negative scenarios will help create a new quality long-term relationship.
Killer number 3. Comparison with the ex
The most common mistake is comparing your man with the ex-partner, and new relationships with the former ones. However, we look at the past through an idealizing prism. As for the present, it tends to be underestimated. Because of this view distortion, comparisons won’t be in favor of the one with whom you are now.
What to do?
You need to get away from past experience and start working on a new one. When you drive a car, you look ahead, not back, otherwise an accident is inevitable. Everything is just the same with a relationship.
Killer number 4. Self-deception
For example, the woman considers that the reason for her husband’s betrayal is a flaw in her appearance. Therefore, she prepares herself for a new relationship by making a series of external transformations: she sees a cosmetologist, loses weight… So she is fixed on the corrected version of herself, although her new man can be pretty lenient as for his partner’s look he might seek, for example, quality sex or spiritual kinship…
What to do?
Analyze and rethink your behavior, without concentrating on a single “flaw.”
Killer number 5. Negativism
Unfortunately, our psyche is arranged so that we remember the bad much better than the good. That’s why we usually know what we do not want, but fail to realize what we need and what we are looking for. As a result, a man and a woman, starting to build their future, concentrate on what they do NOT like in their partner’s behavior. Naturally, this leads to a breakup.
What to do?
Write down the qualities that your man should have in one column, and the good things you can you offer him in the second one. Now you can start your search for a partner and build relationships on a positive basis.
Killer number 6. Fear of breakup
Often, after experiencing a severe trauma and pain from the previous breakup, the woman, not even being aware of this, may be afraid of the same outcome in the future. This can be expressed in a variety of ways. For example, unreasonable suspicions, painful jealousy, or even humbling herself before a man in fear of losing him. However, the most typical scenario is, “I’ll dump him before he dumps me.”
What to do?
Do not dump. Everything will be fine
Killer number 7. The pursuit of the ideal
Some women are not satisfied with just a good, pleasant relationship with a loved one. They need to realize their hypothetical ideal, raising the bar to unattainable heights. Often much higher than the one in the previous relationship.
What to do?
Sometimes it’s worth working with a psychologist to relieve your emotional dependence on dreams. Then you will get rid of ghost expectations.
Killer number 8. Revenge
An offended woman, faced with betrayal or humiliation from her ex-husband/man, tries to take revenge on him by marrying or rushing into a new relationship. Therefore, she happens to be promiscuous, taking courtship from the first admirer. She wants to demonstrate her popularity, to make her former partner regret what he’s lost. Naturally, when she’s in this state, she does not choose a man according to her desires and needs.
What to do?
Just do not take revenge. Revenge will bring no good.
Killer number 9. Parental duty
Of course, a child is extremely important to their mother. However, it is a big mistake is to put them in the first place in a new relationship. This concerns not only full and exclusive attention to the child. A woman does not understand that adapting oneself to another person is the norm, and often reacts to different situations inadequately.
What to do?
It is necessary to build the communication between the child and the partner so that it does not develop into rivalry. We must learn to hear both sides, understand and talk, behave objectively, without singling out and taking one side.
Killer number 10. Another parental duty
A man, with whom a woman starts a new relationship, may have children from the first marriage. This means that, most likely, the ex-wife will also somehow interfere into your life.
What to do?
Accept this as it is and do not complain. Alternatively, do not get involved in a relationship with divorced men who pay alimony.
