If you are used to making decisions by yourself, a relationship with a guy who depends on someone else’s opinion will be either an ideal match or a catastrophe. The awareness that your partner is Mr. Helplessness does not come immediately. At the beginning of the relationship, autonomy is not even welcome, you are trying to be flexible and listen to each other. After a while, his constant question “What shall I do?” sounds like a sign of weakness rather than respect for your opinion. How do you know that your boyfriend lacks independence?
1. He turns to his parents for help too often
The young man seems to have got mature, and still, he reflexively reaches out for the phone to ask his dad to give him some money for a car or to ask his mother which pill relieves a headache. It is not his unlimited faith in parental authority that matters here, but the fact that the guy does not even try to solve problems on his own. The sense of responsibility for life is underdeveloped in such men. They must have never been allowed to do anything by themselves. Does he know how to repair the tap, if he only passed the tools to his father? You will also encourage his helplessness – you’ll have to explain endlessly how to turn on the washing machine, what drawer his socks are in and why you should not take a loan for a vacation.
2. He cannot cope with stress
A man comes to this world to solve problems, otherwise, why would nature give him physical strength and no menstruation? Stress is as familiar to him as sleeping. Any obstacle is an opportunity to prove that it is not a coincidence that he shaves in the morning and uses a urinal in shopping centers. It is a pity that not all men are so responsive to their status. If your hero feels sick at heart at the first sign of disaster and remains in that mood until someone rescues him, it is you who will have to be strong and independent.
3. He turns everything into an unnecessary drama
Any drama performed by a man is unnecessary. Only one of the two partners can be nervous, exaggerate, get distracted, and wait for the problem to disappear. Weakies try to suffer as explicitly as possible to get help. This is a very dependent and unhealthy way to cope with difficulties. To deprive a man of the opportunity to lose his temper from time to time would be obvious sexism on your part. But to react to every detail and put up scenes and dramas is an obvious manipulation.
4. He cannot cope by himself
Another example of vivid male infantilism is the inability to go anywhere alone. His independence is manifested solely in drinking beer with friends. In many couples, the man can visit a doctor, buy clothes or food for dinner only when accompanied by a girl or mother. This life is lived by 26-year-old guys, 40-year-old breadwinners of their families, and respectable men over 50. And then, women are to blame for this all-consuming maternal instinct. Before complaining about your boyfriend’s helplessness, think if it is not you who created this absent-minded two-meter-tall kid? If his mother made him behave like that, it’s time to show the chick what real life is. Do not confuse care with custody and do not charge yourself with unnecessary duties.
5. He is unable to make decisions for himself
Seeking advice from a friend in a difficult situation and conducting a sociological survey every time you need to make a decision are two different things. Do you think that he is too responsible and wants to analyze everything? In fact, the guy is looking for someone to put the blame on in case of failure. It is difficult for a dependent person to understand what he wants. Most likely, such a man will simply be manipulated if your authority proves to be more powerful than the parental or friendly influence. But you will inevitably get tired of this autocracy in a relationship, and it is unlikely to develop a partnership with such a guy.
6. He avoids conflicts
Distinguishing between a patient man and a spineless man is simple: the first one knows exactly where his boiling point is, while for the second one reaching the boiling point is no easier than finding the G point on your body. If a guy keeps to a bad job, maintains a toxic relationship with a friend or relatives, realizes what hinders him and does nothing – his life values do not include independence.