Discussing the guy’s ex with him is embarrassing, but such a conversation will help you better understand each other and build trust. It is foolish to pretend that past experiences do not matter. However, the way your boyfriend talks about the ex-girlfriend may suggest if he is dragging the old problems into his new relationship. Here are a few red flags in the conversation about ex-partners.
1. He conceals the details of parting
Ideally, a talk about ex-partners should happen only once: you shared your past experience, made some conclusions about each other and do not return to this topic. Not everyone likes to go into the details of past failures. But, when the guy avoids a direct answer about the reason for parting, perhaps this is the reason you should know. If a partner has cheated in his past relationships, you’d better hear it from him. Those who committed infidelity often repeat their mistake in the following relationships. Honest recognition is the best indication that he feels sorry about his actions. If he was cheated on – this is also important because now the guy can have problems with confidence that will affect you.
2. He compares you to her
It does not have to be a direct statement like “my ex-girlfriend always massaged my back after work,” although this also happens. He can make a subtle hint: “I’m used to being consulted about anything.” In our head, we inevitably draw parallels with the past experience. But to express it to a partner and try to bring up the qualities that the ex-partner was noted for is disrespectful at the very minimum.
3. He hates his ex
It is important not only what the guy says about the former girlfriend, but also how he does it. When the guy becomes furious and cannot avoid curses at a mention of the past relationships – it’s no better than nostalgic sighs and the regrets of parting. If something causes our strong emotions, we are not ready to let it go.
4. He is nostalgic about the former relationships
Though not literally, he makes it clear that he has not forgotten how good he felt. He can talk with nostalgia not about the girlfriend, but in general about the period of time when he was with her. This veiled longing for the relationship will prevent him from appreciating what is happening between you now.
5. He is still somehow connected with the former partner
Sometimes the partner struggles to keep in touch with the former or her family under various pretexts. This is a red flag, but it does not necessarily mean that he hopes to regain the former relationship. In such a situation, frankness is especially important. If the lives of your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend are somehow connected – you should know about it from him. The more open he is with you, the more confident you will feel. You, too, should be honest with the guy, if you have doubts about him and do not like his relationship with the ex-girlfriend. Do not blame him and do not voice ultimatums. It’s better to talk about how you feel about everything that’s happening.
6. He blames only her for the separation
This is an important red flag, dealing not only with the former relationship, but about with the ability to bear responsibility. If a man tells only about how he was offended and humiliated in the past. The fact that there is so much resentment in him indicates that he has not yet coped with the separation and is not ready for a new relationship. In addition, it may mean that a person does not know how to admit his mistakes and does not draw conclusions. In this case, you will always be guilty of your problems.
